


Having a Heart

by IncendiaGlacies



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heartache
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21687010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncendiaGlacies/pseuds/IncendiaGlacies
Summary: “I wish I’d never fallen in love with you,” she whispered tearfully.
Relationships: Gideon/Rip Hunter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Having a Heart

Rip walked into the bedroom and found Gideon curled up on the bed, hugging a pillow against her chest, dried tear tracks on her face. Silently, he lied down next to her, close enough to touch her but didn’t. He stared at her for a long time quietly, still, she said nothing.

“What can I do?” he whispered.

“Fix it,” she said hoarsely.

“I can’t.”

“Fix it!”

“Gideon, you know if I could I’d-”

“Just make it stop!” Her tears started anew, soon she was sobbing as she clutched her pillow tightly. “It hurts, Rip. It all just hurts so much. I wish this never happened.”

“Side effect of being human, I’m afraid. You can’t bypass your emotions.”

Even if Rip wished there was an easy cure for this. He’d always thought Gideon was the most emotionally intelligent of the AIs, brilliant and compassionate. There was a reason he’d chosen the Waverider, after all. But it was clear, that for everything she might have thought or felt before, it was nothing but air compared to what she felt after turning human. The adjustment period continued, even now, two weeks later. It was as if every single heartbreak was hitting her at once.

“It’s torture.” She breathed raggedly. “Human existence is misery and tragedy and awful.”

“Not all of it.”

“How can you say that? After everything you’ve been through.”

Finally, he reached out, moving a strand of her hair. She flinched slightly at the movement but didn’t stop him. “No human has lived as long as you have. I’m sure any of us would go mad if we remembered it all like you do.”

“The Time Masters were right. Emotions are a curse, they weaken you, make you susceptible to stupid things.”

“Sometimes,” Rip agreed, “but sometimes they can be wonderful. Make you feel like you’re flying.”

Gideon gave him an annoyed look. It was clear that she disagreed with his statement.

“Give it time. You’ll feel it too.”

“I won’t. I wish I’d never felt like this in the first place.”

“Tell me,” he murmured. It was clear something in particular was bothering her. “I can’t help unless I know.”

“I wish I’d never fallen in love with you,” she whispered tearfully.

Rip’s heart lurched down to the pit of his stomach, feeling heavy like a stone. “Why?” he rasped. Of all the admissions of love he’d imagined, he’d never thought it was an admittance that she wanted better, even if she did deserve it.

“Loving you is nothing but hurt and pain and heartbreak.” She continued to cry and wiped her eyes, one hand clutching her heart.

Rip swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m trying to be better. You know that.”

“Every single time you get hurt, it’s like my heart goes into my throat, it’s like I can’t even breathe because I’m so scared of losing you. And then I remember Jonas and I-”

Her voice broke and she started sobbing uncontrollably, curling in on herself as if she could stop the pain, bottle it up and forget about it. Rip knew from experience it would never work.

“I can’t – I can’t-” Gideon gasped for air and swallowed for breath. “It’s awful, Rip. It’s awful.”

“Not all of it. Think of the happy times.”

“I try, and then I remember that it always ends. Every Captain that ever left me, everyone I’ve lost. Watching you walk away, nearly die, over and over again and I can’t-”

Rip wrapped his arms around her, not caring that she didn’t particularly want to be touched, he had to be there for her like she’d always been there for him.

“This is a hug,” he said gruffly. “I know you don’t like them but they help.”

“It’s suffocating.”

He loosened his grip only slightly. “It’s for when words can’t convey what love is, why it’s all worth it. It’s for when you think the world is crashing down on you and you feel like you can’t stand up. It’s for when you can’t breathe because there’s a brick on your chest and you feel like you can’t move. It’s to help you.”

Slowly, she placed her hands over his, still breathing erratically. “This is your fault,” she whispered.

“What is?”

“My heart. It’s yours and you make me feel…everything.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“I’ve never had everything before. It’s terrifying. I look at you and it beats so fast I think my whole body might explode.”

“I bet mine beats just as fast when I look at you,” he assured her. “You forget that I love you just as much.”

“You make it seem so easy.”

“Loving you? Easiest thing in the world. Even with all your stubbornness, practical jokes, snarky sense of humour-ow! And the hitting!”

“You’re making fun of me!”

“What I’m trying to say is that love isn’t always easy but it’s always worth it. Even with all the lows, I wouldn’t give up a single day with Jonas and Miranda. Would you?”

Gideon was silent for a long time, recalling all her treasured moments with the young boy, moments that seemed to shine in gold now that she was human.

“No,” she whispered. “I loved him.”

“I know you did.”

“I just can’t bear to think of him.”

“I know,” he said understandingly. “It will take some time, a long time maybe. You’re grieving, for everything and everybody, Gideon. Nobody expects you to get it right the first time.”

“How did you deal with this pain? This constant pain in my heart and it just won’t go away.”

He drank. A lot.

“Self-destructive habits. I don’t recommend them.”

“So how am I supposed to get over this then?”

He squeezed her tight. “With me by your side.”

“That’s a cop out answer and you know it!”

“It’s the truth.” He squeezed her hand. “Remember how you said I was better with the Legends around after losing my family? Sorrow is easier when you have people helping you through it.”

She looked at him doubtfully. Rip hugged her tight and kissed her hair.

“I’ll be there with you, right by your side, loving you through all the pain and sorrow. You just have to let me.”

“It was easier to love you without a heart,” she whispered.

“I know. But you love me either way.”

“I do.” It was inevitable. She couldn’t avoid it. Destiny. Fate. Whatever it was. She was always going to fall in love with Rip Hunter. If only it didn’t hurt so much.


End file.
